NT Experience

Per Gemini:

The ego is the conscious mind—the “self”—that manages decision-making by balancing primal desires (id) with moral constraints (superego). A healthy ego indicates balanced self-worth, while an overinflated ego relies on superiority and comparison. It deeply affects relationships by influencing whether one acts with empathy or defensiveness.

Typically NT people use the term “ego” to refer to the negative effects:

• arrogance
• constant need for validation
• inability to see other viewpoints
• selfish
• reckless
• manipulative
• prioritizing being “right”
• feeling superior

People who have “high ego” take credit for other people’s work, try to gain social advantage, and can be aggressive.

My Experience

I have been described as having “no ego”, though if you didn’t know me I might appear:

• arrogant
• unable to see other viewpoints
• selfish
• prioritizing being “right”
• high self-esteem / feels superior
• cold and calculating

There is some truth to those – I prioritize Truth and Facts over feelings. I don’t have to be right, but I do not like it when somebody is wrong. I sound like I am very confident when I speak, but I am very careful to use softening words to indicate veracity (but this may come across as politeness). I probably am selfish in many ways – my lack of Social Salience means I don’t know what other people need or want unless they tell me. I am not cold and calculating, I just don’t have any affective mirroring.

This same lack of social salience is also a benefit. After people know me, I look a little different:

• I am status blind – I do not participate in status seeking
  • I don’t compete for social credit or status or play in politics
• I am predictable – I am very literal and there is no hidden meaning
  • though Semantic Divergence may mean I have different meaning to the words
• I can be blunt, but I am not hiding anything
  • I don’t signal dominance when I am blunt
• I apologize if I am incorrect and accept corrections without lag or friction
• I give others credit for any contribution they make
  • and seek none for myself
• I don’t hold grudges
  • I do judge competence, but also recognize effort

If you don’t know me, I Say The Wrong Thing and I probably signal very weird. People who do know me seem to like me – I get along with almost everybody. At least in tech jobs and with my friends (who tend to be from tech, though not universally), this works well. I am very useful, so I come across as an eccentric expert. Luckily tech is full of people who are a bit odd, so I think I seem pretty normal.