Things I want readers to understand about the information on this site.

Not Medical Advice

Don’t read any of this as medical advice. It is probably not wise to read it as advice at all. This was developed to help me understand myself. This is not diagnosing any condition, it is trying to describe my mental model. I am not looking for consideration or medicine, I am trying to understand so that I may interact more fruitfully with my wife.

Truth

I value the Truth and Facts above most other things (see Ethics for the few things I value more). As far as I know, what I have written here is true. Read this disclaimer to understand how I developed the information and judge for yourself.

Just because I think it is true does not mean it is without error. I may misrepresent, I may misunderstand and I may not know, but I wouldn’t write it if I didn’t think it was true. Let me know if you find an error or have a question!

This model is not sacrosanct. I feel no Shame and although this describes my identity, it is not my identity. It can be updated with no emotional cost if it is found to be incorrect. There is mechanical cost to update it, but I value truth and accuracy. The model is less useful if it is not correct.

Descriptions of Autism and NT

My notes have descriptions of autism and NT behaviors and experiences. See why I compare.

These are not first hand experiences. They are not second hand experiences. Mostly I am summarizing what I have read and what I get from an LLM. To be clear: this is largely synthetic data and a synthetic model for both NT and autism experiences.

My hope (desire but am not sure it is true) is that these are close to reality. If they are not, let me know. I also know everyone is different, and perhaps autistic people more than most – the D in neurodiverse means widely varied. If you are autistic my descriptions may not fit you. I hope they fit somebody.

Note: my descriptions of autism are also focusing mainly on what is formerly known as Aspergers and is now called ASD Level 1 – I focus on this because it has the most overlap with my experience. I don’t call this out anywhere except here. Note that I do not have autism – my mechanism is different and I have a different experience. I do have significant overlap on Category A behaviors and no Category B, so this is very relevant to me. I do not understand what it feels like to be autistic any more than I understand what it feels like to be NT.

These are mostly notes about myself and trying to understand the mechanism that causes my own behavior. I can directly observe the behavior of myself and others and I have some ability to introspect myself. Sadly I cannot look at my source code, but I can devise thought exercises and logical models that fit. In these notes I describe what I understand are the mechanisms and outcomes for both autistic and NT behavior, but understand that this is necessarily a generic view (I am using them as a baseline to provide contrast for my own experience).

For NT people there is also variation and my descriptions may not fit you either. Hopefully it is in the ballpark for many of the descriptions.

How I Developed This Information

You can read my History to see my journey. For most of the material here I worked with LLMs to:

• describe behaviors and observations to determine a name
  • Hypophantasia and “Low absorption”
• explain how NT and autistic people experienced the world
  • this was very useful as a contrastive tool
• given a pile of observations produce ideas for me to investigate
  • specifically, given that I was Not Autistic why did I have so much Overlap with many behaviors
  • what was the mechanism for my behavior?
  • if I could understand the mechanism then I could explain why I behaved as I did
  • and how I might work around some of the behaviors

I used both ChatGPT and Gemini to get information from two different models – they are trained differently so this would avoid some biases. I carefully read the output and asked for explanations where I didn’t understand. If something didn’t fit my experience I considered why: was my model wrong? Had I asked the right question? Did I understand what was being said?

I also kept probing the conclusions I reached. For example, if the primary mechanism is no Social Salience what evidence do I have? Could it be something else? Are there gray areas where the model doesn’t fit?

Where possible I tried to find independent confirmation of the ideas but it is hard because there is not much written about my condition – Where Are My People?

TLDR: I have tried to be careful, but this is not my area of expertise so it is best effort. For my purposes (mental model useful to me) this is fine. See Truth.

If you want to try your hand at it, take a look at System Prompt.

Condition First vs Person First

I know that the usual style for writing is “person who is tall”, but I am going to use phrases like “autistic person” and “NT (neurotypical) person”:

• I am talking about people with these conditions – the condition is important
• I have read that because autism is very much part of a person autistic people prefer that wording
• I think the prose is easier to read

If I have that wrong please let me know!

Could This Be Entirely False?

Yes, possibly. See also FAQ. I don’t think it is, but skepticism is good.

• I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, in fact I thought Everybody is the Same
• I have no background or expertise in anything related to the mind. or humans
  • I am a programmer
• I am reading things online, in books and using an LLM to explore

There is a concept called Labeling Theory that suggests applying a label or diagnosis to somebody can cause them to behave that way. Think astrology: different signs have certain behaviors and this is reinforced by people who believe in astrology. Is my investigation actually affecting my behavior? I hope so, for Mitigation steps. I think I am observing myself clearly and describing rather than changing, but introspection and knowledge makes me aware of it too.

About all I can say is that my observations about myself are truthful as far as I can perceive – I might be mistaken, but when I find inconsistencies I figure them out.

If I find out there are errors I will correct them, up to and including rewriting all of my notes.

Writing Style and Formatting

1. Delivery Modes: Stories vs. Facts

This site uses two different ways of writing depending on what is being described:

• Standard Prose (Colloquial): Used for “Experience” pages. This is my habitual way of speaking. It is the style I have developed to communicate easily with the people around me.
• Structured Lists (Bullets): Used for “Technical Mapping.” I use this when the goal is to provide a lot of information quickly. It removes the “filler” of normal conversation to focus on the logic.

2. Why I Don’t Use a “Terse” Style

I avoid writing in a very short or “stilted” way because it often causes unnecessary problems. In many social situations, being too brief is seen as being cold or angry. Using a more natural, conversational style allows the information to be received without causing that specific kind of social friction.

3. Fact-Based Presentation

I present my observations as Facts.

• Reason: This is more efficient than constantly saying “I think” or “In my opinion.”
• Note: While I write these as facts, they are based on my own internal model of my mind. They have not been reviewed by doctors or scientists.

4. Descriptions of Others (The LLM Proxy)

I cannot directly perceive the social signals or internal feelings of other people.

• Method: To describe how NT or autistic people might think, I use an AI (LLM) to provide a description.
• Reliability: I use these descriptions as a “best guess” to help compare my experience to others, but I cannot personally verify if they are 100% accurate.

I know that the descriptions of NT and autistic people may not apply to a particular person – my intent is that they are directionally correct and apply to many people.