NT Experience

“This is unfair; a boundary has been crossed; I must fight.”

In NT people anger is typically a reaction to a perceived threat to social status, ego, or respect. This is a high-arousal temporary state that can dissipate (maybe slowly) after the conflict is resolved.

Anger is the mechanism used to push the holder into action to force another party to restore status. Adrenaline amplifies the effect.

See also Hate which is a colder and longer term feeling.

My Experience

I feel anger when somebody is violating my Ethics (e.g. lying or harming people). I also feel a lower magnitude anger when somebody is wasteful or inefficient, especially when it causes harm to others. I don’t feel any personal insult, I am angered by system-level data corruption.

Corrupt politicians make me angry. It just isn’t right. It is wasteful. We are doing this to ourselves!

Personal attacks on me typically don’t bother me, unless somebody attacks my Integrity. Being called stupid or lazy are just opinions. Being wrong or illogical is just a mistake (that I can learn from). Going after my integrity is an assault on the truth of myself.

I think Hate is a similar feeling for me, but also describing a longer term feeling – it is a label for people who trigger my anger.

Comparison

The trigger condition is different between NT people and myself, but the physiological effects are the same. The internal feeling is different: my anger is cooler, it is about things not being right, not about being personally attacked.

Additionally, my anger is likely less useful. I may not demonstrate anger the same way. Yes, I may raise my voice, but that is not guaranteed. When I get angry I often state “I am angry” or words to that effect. NT anger signals to others that there is danger. It can change the behavior of others.

The target of my anger is also different. I might be angry locally – perhaps my wife or kids did something that I don’t like. Maybe there is something inefficient at work. I can potentially change these things. My greatest anger is at politicians and leaders who are failing their people through corruption and lack of competence.

My anger is futile.

Semantic Divergence: yes.

Specific Difference: Proven Wrong

I am not angry if I am proven factually wrong. Assuming I accept the new facts as correct (I trust that the giver of facts is knowledgeable on the subject), I will thank the person for correcting me and update my known facts. Similarly, if caught at saying something incorrect (mistake), I will apologize for the misspeak and rephrase. Since I don’t recognize status attacks, neither of these will trigger anger as they might in an NT person.