This isn’t an emotion, but it is related – it is a social evaluation and related to how people express emotions.
Much like Coldness, NT people detect self-centered people through the vibes they give off. These people steer conversations back to themselves and demand attention. They know that other people have needs but they consider their own more important. They are the Main Character and (in their mind) things revolve around them. They grab for power and status. They use other people to get ahead in life.
Again, detecting people like this triggers a danger signals at a low level in the brain so they can defend against them.
A person who is not self-centered is very aware of other people’s needs and thinks to take Care of them. They put other’s needs before their own, or at least on par with. They are considerate. They know your needs without you having to say a word.
A person who is not self-centered has humility and has their Ego in check.
Am I Self-Centered?
Do I use other people to get ahead in life? No, my Ethics and Functional Altruism make that distasteful. This is the part of this label that I can see and understand, so I wouldn’t call myself self-centered.
However, I don’t know other people’s needs – I have no Social Salience and no Theory of Mind. I know that they have needs but I don’t know what they are unless they tell me. I have no object permanence – if I am not in somebody’s presence or actively thinking about them, they are inert Black Boxes in my head. I am not thinking about them or their needs as a background process. If I do know that somebody needs something (they told me), I am typically happy to help.
I am the only mind I can perceive, so I am necessarily limited in how I think of others. I don’t put other people’s needs in front of my own because I do not know what they are. I am not the Main Character, but I am in a book written from the first person perspective.
Much like with coldness, there is a curious aspect to this: typically being self-centered is driven by a very strong ego. I have no ego – I do not seek social status or power. I easily admit when I am wrong. If somebody is better than me at something I admire their skill. I never take credit for something I did not do. I could lecture you on my humility! I have self confidence, but I don’t think I am a braggart.
Morally I am not self-centered. I don’t do any of the “bad” actions associated with this. Structurally I am self-centered. I think primarily of myself and don’t pick up anybody else’s feelings or needs. I will help if somebody tells me, but this isn’t how NT people typically operate.
Another case of mistaken identity.
Much like coldness, being labeled as self-centered causes me no stress. At worst it is misleading, but there is some truth to it.
Autism Experience
Autistic people are sometimes labeled “self-centered”. This is another case of mistaken identity.
Some autistic people have intense focus or narrow interests (monotropism). This single minded focus may look like they are “choosing” to ignore the needs of people around them.
Social interaction can also be exhausting as autistic people have to manually simulate Theory of Mind – something that NT people do automatically and without effort. This can lead autistic people to shut down and prioritize recovery over social engagement.
This is not ill intent or a desire to use people – much the opposite! Autistic people often have a strong sense of justice and using people would be repugnant. In fact, following rules even at a cost to oneself is more likely, while NT people might bend the rules for their friends or social superiors (without seeing any problem).