Shame

“I am fundamentally flawed; I must hide myself.”

In NT people shame is a judgment of themselves, a feeling of “I am bad”:

• you understand the judgment of your peers (Social Salience)
• you are able to model their internal disappointment or disgust (Theory of Mind)

This is a painful feeling of humiliation. You feel bad about yourself. In NT people it provides a societal feeling or right and wrong and is the negative feedback used to steer people away from the wrong.

Note: shame is an evaluation of self. Regret is an evaluation of actions or the output of actions.

I Feel No Shame

I have no Social Salience so I:

• don’t know what other people feel about me
• and don’t care either

If somebody were to tell me Hard Truths, like “you are cold-hearted and have no empathy” it doesn’t make me feel bad. The statement is either:

• true – accept and decide if I want to address
• false – ignore
• unknown – file as possible

I don’t feel any loss of social standing or feel different about myself. If the revealed information is true, it was true before I knew it.

If I were found to have made a mistake, I would feel functional Regret at the fact that it happened. I might even adjust my mental model to prioritize diligence, assuming that the mistake was not anticipated as a potential risk.

If I found that I had said something false (against my Ethics) I would again regret having said such a thing (perhaps it was a mistake?). I would correct the error and move on.

I can be held accountable for my actions without feeling bad about them or myself.

I use my Axiomatic Deontology and Ethics to guide my behavior rather than shame.

Semantic Divergence: yes, extreme.