Autistic people sometimes use a technique called “masking” or “camouflaging” to suppress natural autistic traits or adopt NT behaviors. This can be conscious or unconscious. Many times they require significant mental effort. Typical masking:
- Mimicry: Scripting conversations or copying the body language of others.
- Suppression: Forcing eye contact or holding back “stimming” (self-regulatory behaviors).
- Performance: Carefully monitoring facial expressions to ensure they match the social situation.
NT people, being the majority, expect people to conform to social norms and NT behaviors. Autistic people can often perceive that they are not meeting this expectation (see Autism Experience) – masking is the technique used to smooth the interaction. It is often effortful and likely not entirely convincing.
In fact, many autistic people have high social saliency and feel the sting of not fitting in. I have read that autistic people may have suffered ostracization or bullying for being different. Bullies can pick up on the social signals for fear, shame, or hurt and feed on them. Masking may feel like a necessity rather than a “nice to have.”
Other ND phenotypes may also use masking to fit in, but masking is often associated with autism.
My Experience: No Masking
Lacking Social Salience meant (and still means) that I didn’t even notice that I was not behaving the same as everybody else. Sure, I might have some oddities (I was a nerd), but these seemed within the normal range for people and personalities (my perception).
It never occurred to me that there might be such a thing as masking or that I might want to do it. Now that I know about it, I still don’t care about it (social salience again). I do use some heuristics to avoid social friction (for efficiency purposes, which is Functional Logic Modeling), but that is about it. I didn’t perceive what I was missing, so it wasn’t something I ever considered.
I may have been ostracized when I was younger – certainly I can recall other kids making fun of the way I talked (slowly). I didn’t like it, but I can’t recall any particular stress from this. I had friends: neighbors and several kids who liked computers or role playing games. I may not have picked up on the full effect so it kind of rolled off me.
I do recall a time in high school where I was confronted by a bully. I don’t know if this was because I was “weird” or just random chance. I was tall and thin. The bully was large and muscular. For some reason I said exactly the right thing (using Flat Affect):
No thanks, I don’t feel like kicking your ass today.
Clearly, that wasn’t going to happen. The bully could have used me as floss. But I was a little off: I didn’t give off social signals like I should. I was a non sequitur. This was the right hook because it allowed the bully to laugh and walk away.
Aside from that I don’t recall any bullying, though again, it is possible things were said and I missed them. I think in terms of behavior I look very similar to autistic people, though I don’t signal at all.
Anyway, I am fortunate that my particular mental configuration allows for no masking:
- I don’t notice that it is needed
- I don’t care what others think about me